


A Better Son/Daughter

by alexme7_7



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 03:49:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10585830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexme7_7/pseuds/alexme7_7
Summary: Zoe walks in on Connor





	

"Damnit, Connor, if you keep stealing my nail polish-"

The noose hung loose around Connor's neck. The first thing Zoe noticed when she barged into her brother's bedroom without knocking.

They stood opposite each other. Zoe, in the doorway, clapped a hand over her mouth before she could scream. Connor stared down at her from his place on the desk chair. Tear tracks stained his cheeks, but his eyes looked blank and hollow. An eerie stillness filled the room as they gaped at each other, neither wanting to move.

The silence was broken by Connor, "Get the fuck out of my room, Zoe."

"Connor? What the hell?"

"Just. Fucking. Leave." Connor ground out.

For a moment, Zoe wanted to run. Run away from this. Pretend she didn't see anything and run away from her messed up family. Or maybe run for help? Who would help? Her parents weren't even home.

Connor shifted his weight making the chair beneath him groan. Zoe jolted forward, slamming the door shut behind her, tripping over the carpet. She fell to her knees in front of Connor, her breath stuttering. He was still standing. He was still there.

"Please Zoe," Connor's voice became slightly softer, cracking, pleading, "Just leave. I didn't want you to see this. _Fuck_. Please."

Her brother was shaking, coming apart in front of her. He stood tall, arms at his sides, refusing to look down. But Zoe could see the tears falling. Countless times before, she had seen him shaking with rage, boiling over with anger. She had never seen him quite like this.

Slowly, Zoe stood. She came up to Connor’s waist, face tilted up defiantly, tears welling up in her own eyes.

“How dare you, you selfish fucking prick?” She yelled at him, letting the tears fall, “You don’t get to do this!”

“How dare I? Fuck you! I’m done with this fucking family! I’m done with this! All of it! Get the fuck out of my room!”

“Because I’m just going to fucking leave you here to kill yourself? Screw you!”

“What the hell does it matter to you?” Connor asked, getting quiet again. He leaned forward, noose tightening around his neck slightly.

“I don’t know? Maybe because you’re my brother?” Zoe yelled back.

“Holy fuck. I have so many goddamn problems Zoe! I’m the worst fucking thing to ever happen to this family… to you!”

“That doesn’t mean I want you to die, you fucking idiot!”

Connor leaned back, staring straight ahead again. He hastily brushed the tears off his face with his sleeve as Zoe stared back up at him, wanting to reach out and grab him, but afraid of what he would do.

“Just please,” Connor croaked, “let me do this, Zoe.”

“What the hell, Connor? I’m not leaving you like this!”

“Zoe? Connor? I’m home!” Cynthia’s voice rang up the stairs.

Before Zoe could react, Connor threw a hand over her mouth, panicked. She stared back at him, her eyes flaring. Connor needed help, she needed help. She needed her mom. Her mom would fix everything and Connor would be fine and she would be fine and-

“No, no, no, no, no,” Connor muttered to himself, leaning over dangerously on his chair, squeezing Zoe’s mouth tighter, “ _fuck_.”

Zoe’s tears pooled against his hand. His entire body was shaking violently as he struggled for breath. He couldn’t let his mom find out. He couldn’t let Zoe tell her. Tell anyone. If she did then he would be shipped off again to people who wouldn’t listen, who would assume, and just get rid of him as soon as they could. Nothing would get better.

“Please Zoe,” Connor panted, “for the love of God, don’t call mom. I’ll get down, I swear. Just don’t fucking scream.”

Zoe nodded slowly and Connor removed his hand. Before he could make another move, Zoe was reaching for the noose, standing high on her toes. She loosened it from around Connor’s neck, and both were silent. Tears continued to stream down both of their faces. Zoe muffled a sob. Gently, she lifted the rope around Connor’s neck as high as she could reach. Connor put a hand on her shoulder, stepping off the chair.

The moment Connor’s feet hit the ground, his knees buckled.

Zoe let the noose swing away from them both.

Silent sobs wracked Connor’s body as he knelt at her feet.

She stood in front of him for a while, letting her own tears flow freely. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to breathe. Trying to think. Her mind was spinning, but all she could think about was the image of her brother standing on that chair, looking... ready. She felt nauseous.

“I hate you,” Connor mumbled. He was on his hands and knees, trying to stand.

“Connor- “

“I hate you, Zoe.” He said, louder, pulling himself to his full height.

Zoe just stared at him, trying to figure out how to respond. Mouth opening and closing. Hands balled into fists. Tears still flowing.

“I hate you,” Connor’s voice broke, he wavered on his feet slightly.

“I know,” Zoe whispered, stepping towards Connor.

When Connor didn’t move, she wrapped her arms around him. She could feel his body shaking. He didn’t react to her touch. But he let Zoe hold him.

“I hate it.”

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed, let me know in the comments or on my tumblr at slaygoldponyboy! Thank you for reading!  
> Posted this on tumblr a while ago and decided to put it up here, too.  
> The title is from the song of the same name by Rilo Kiley!


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